Give second chances, and third, and fourth.....

Well I learned a valuable lesson last night in taking my Johnny to the carnival.  He has never been to one, mostly because of his behavior and more recently his DIFFICULT behavior in public.  Before it was a tough job to keep track of him and I was always unsure of how he would act in a crowded place such as a carnival.  With his behavior lately in grocery stores, etc.  I have no idea what possessed me to give it a shot but I am SO glad I did.  The plan was for me, my 16 year old son Lanny, my 11 year old daughter Riley and my 8 year old Johnny to go.  When Lanny told me he didn't want to go I was devastated.   I was thinking I couldn't do it without him there in case I needed his help.  I have had to lead Johnny out of the grocery store several times recently, usually holding his arms crossed in front of him and one hand over his mouth to muffle the profanities.  On all occasions I have left without buying anything, leaving the cart just sitting in the store.  Sigh. I have learned that most of this behavior is caused by his autism and sensitivities to various things in the store.  We now avoid the grocery store and will do that for about another week and try again.  So I was picturing myself and my wonderful little girl trying to handle this child and get him all the way through the crowd and to the car on our own should there be a problem.  Believe me it is NOT easy when he's having a breakdown.  I didn't want to make my 16 year old go if he didn't want to, since he has stayed home to watch Johnny all week while I worked and Riley was at volleyball camp.  I thought he had earned a night with his friends.  Turns out, we didn't have one problem with Johnny.  We talked about it several times, what he could expect to see there, what we would do, how there is no cursing allowed, and no spitting or hitting or kicking allowed.  I cannot believe how well-behaved he was.  Well, unless you count him spitting off the top of the ferris wheel.  :(  But that was just one time!  He had a blast.  He rode every ride that didn't look terrifying.  Some of them he even rode twice.  On the ferris wheel he was amazed that he could see ALL the telephone poles and street lights.  I'm sure seeing them from such a high angle was fascinating to him.  The look on his face was priceless and will be forever etched in my memory.  He handled the carnival just as any other 8 year old boy would, if you don't count the flapping.  :)

My point I want you to take from this entry is to give your child chances to prove they CAN handle something before you automatically assume they can't.  I am SO guilty of not doing this.  I need to remember that each trip to the grocery store is a new day and it won't ALWAYS end the way other trips have ended.  My plan is to ease him back into the store.  Go in for 1 or 2 items, then gradually increase to more as I see he is ready again.  Also I plan to "practice" going to the grocery store when we are at home.  We'll make a game of it and go over appropriate behaviors for when we are in public.  Baby steps.  We'll get back to that place again.  But not until I allow him the chance to show me he's ready.  If you are limiting your child's outings due to what has happened previously I recommend you just keep trying.
And just a little FYI, if your child is unpredictable as Johnny is, and you decide you want him to try the ferris wheel, check it out first and make sure there is SOMETHING securing them in their seat before you even get in line.  You know, like that bar that goes across the lap or a chain that goes over the lap and hooks on the side?  There was nothing at all holding him in that seat except me and his sister and we each had a limb or a sleeve or the hem of his shorts.  And I still felt if he wanted to he could leap right out of it.
Johnny quote of the day:  "BOOBIES ARE NOT INAPPROPRIATE."    I'm sure a lot of men would agree with you, son.